Andy Murray

If he's smashing all opponents
And doing so with Grit
Then I'm right behind the curly top
And Murray is a Brit

When he's struggling in the latter rounds
And his tennis ain't so hot
Then he's clearly not from England
The dour skinny Scot

Coast to coast

Back wheels in the water
Smiles on our faces
Enthusiastic starters
Country crossing aces

Fish and chips in belly
Bodies warm and dry
140 miles ahead of us
and a greyness in the sky

At the front a pack of three
Streamlined, slick with pace
Eating up the Tarmac
Engine like with grace

At the rear a hardy trio
With chunkier bikes beneath
Mud and spit upon us
But bearing smiling teeth.

Day 1, the warm up day
Starts well with a gradual climb
We find our natural rhythm
And cycle with good time

Two thirds through the stage
The hills come to test our metal
We plod on through, Not three but two
Meet Keswick with fine fettle

The racing pack in front of us
Arrive five miles ahead and early
Tales of trips to cockermouth
And all things broken and girly

Day 1 we're wet and tired
If that was a trial, we were tested
Tomorrow we'll find new vigour
When we're washed, and fed and rested

Early morning rise
Breakfast on the table
A good night sleeps in spite of snoring
We're ready and were able

The B team set off first
They're ready and they're willing
Andy Phoenix visits the bike shop
And spends a tidy shilling

New cleats for his old shoes
New shoes for his new cleats
A new top for the finish line
New wheels, new frame, new seat

Exit left from Keswick
and onward to penrith
Up through hills, and downward thrills
Rob Hemsons coming fifth

The B team meet the A team
Cutting corners on the bypass
Slip streaming like true pros
Tucked in behind Andy's wide Ass

Pack two keeps pace for a hundred yards
But overtaking is a must
A brief feeling of oneness
And then we eat their dust

An American motor rally
Rolls through the country lanes
Amazing sights, zip by our bikes
Drivers more money than brains

Hunger strikes, we stop at he pub
Rob Hemson wants a feed
Chips and paninis with the supports team
Then it's back onto the steed

The funny thing about saddle sore
Aside from the excruciating pain
Is it fades real sweet when your sat in the seat
But returns when you rest again

Off we bound to Alston
The waitress bemoans the ride
A two thousand feet climb will steal all our time
as we crawl to the top of Hartside

The climb is like slow water torture
When you think your are doing quite well
More hills arise in front of your eyes
The pain in your thighs is hell

A stop at summit is in order
The cafe is a welcome sight
Tea and cake with the bikers
before the girls close for the night

Down hill exhilaration follows
The undulating decent was sublime
A text in my pocket unopened
From pack one who've been back for some time

A handful of miles and were done
The farm house met with a cheer
Slow cooked Pasta soup for most
Or steaks washed down with a beer.

Off to bed and day two done
Fifty five til the finish
We're doing well, our leaders back
All concerns diminish

Pack two rise with the larks
An early feed does beckon
Let's get out first, a nippy burst
Well push team A, I reckon

Plans change, we skip the breakfast
And embark before its eight
Team A enjoy the breakfast
And opt to get up late

The day kicks off with pain
The hills come thick and fast
Back to back steep climbs
Hartside's in the past

These hills are much more gruelling
They're long and very steep
We snake along in low gear
And have to dig so deep

The down hill drop was awesome
No brakes shows you're manly
It's squeaky bum time all the way
Onto Alston, Stanhope and Stanley

At Concet we stop for lunch
The second of the day
Adam joins us for a bite
He's yet to see Craig pay

The weather deserves a mention
Day three was by far the best
It's dry and even sunny
I shed jacket and my vest

Team A check our whereabouts
And were amazed to find
That despite us setting off two hours early
We're now two hours behind

Things turn for the worst
when we're just eight miles away
We start to lose our bearings
Ride this and that away

We find the Moss Side of Sunderland
We're nervous just a trifle
Broken glass, and the underclass
Shoot near us with a rifle

Craig's doing well today
No falls and panicked wailing
One mile to the finish line
and he smashed into the railing

Pack two cruise to the harbour
Robs roundabout move is outstanding
The journeys run, 140 done
Front wheels meet the landing

The journey has been epic
The A team set the pace
The novices in pack two
They too, have what it takes

As this rhyming journal ends
I'm grateful and amazed
our family and friends have given such
So far it's four grand raised.

Thanks all

Ignore typos...I am tired

It's your life (tweet poetry)

Life has a many phase
You decide on the chosen ways
You can choose the time in days
Burn it bright, it pays to amaze

Blame me (tweet poetry)

Never point and try to shame
Don't blame, defame or flame
Pointless pointing at others game
See the mirror, the culprits frame

I times four (tweet poetry)

I ebb and flow, but I'm not tidal
I contemplate life, but I'm not suicidal
I'm against it all but have no rival
I love activity and avoid the idle

Smash open in case of death

It's a funny thing to do, in fact it's quite absurd
To sit here in good health and pen my final word
But I was pondering the other day and thought of sudden death
And was bothered about not saying bye before drawing my last breath

I've met far too many good people who've made my life worthwhile
Those who've made me richer, those who've made me smile
Those who shown me love, those who've I've loved too
I cannot list by name today, but you know that I mean you.


It's sad that I've gone early, but I'm not sad to be gone
Cos for all the days I've lived, I've not regretted one
To those that I've offended, I don't mean I'm not sorry
But I'm glad to live and learn from it, not hide away and worry

My family who've all reared me, and I mean the family extended
You've never shown intolerance and for that you are commended
The chatty little big head who thought he knew it all
You love me and accepted me and never let me fall

My family at close quarters, mum and dad and brother
Of all the families in the world, I couldn't pick another
We never had much growing up, but were never once in need
I felt your love, I loved your love, and new it guaranteed
Mum you thought you missed your calling, you missed your chance at life
But you missed that fact you were living it, as a perfect mum and wife
Yes you deserved much more, but your pay day isn't arriving
It's a hundred years away from us when your offspring are all thriving
You've been the most amazing mum, And not some house kept mug
Please gather round and let her know, please give my mum a hug

That ones from me mum.

Dad I'm sorry to go so soon, I wanted oh to stay
To see you to live your last days and wait for you to say
That you were proud of my achievements and proud to call me son
That the things I did have pleased you and I'd passed your expectation
As I sit here writing, I can hear you criticising
That my rhyming's not quite good enough, and to you that's not surprising
Well even though you're hard to please I don't feel I missed a mark
You never let me win at cards or races in the park
Don't mistake this for anger, even though you made me cry
I know you made me stronger, so no need to justify
But there were many other feelings, that you gave me, your lad
And all them them made me so proud, to say you were my dad.

I love you so much dad, please appreciate those who love you. Time with your friends or on your own are measured one a different scale...!

Gaz I know youre preference is to stay out of the light
Lucky really that your little bro preferred to burn so bright
You always bigged me up and praised the things I did
The tricks and chat up lines, from your little kid
I thank you for the quiz nights and match day rendezvous
And for each good thing you said of me, I said two of you
I was proud of you Gaz, from the minute I knew pride
I looked up to you in every phase, As a mentor and a guide

Please drink less and keep all your children loved and safe, they all need a hug from you and kind words too.

To my darling children, words cannot express
How proud I am of each of you, you've made our lives the best
Every single second we spent amongst you guys
You made us smile or laugh out loud, and brought tears to our eyes
You're three beautiful children, god we are so blessed
It hurts to think I can't see you now your laying me to rest

Please take photos of my babies, and stick them in my box

Im sorry if I shouted or ever raised my hand
There my weaknesses not yours, as children you were grand
You've all got many talents some found and some still waiting
But I hope you find me in them, my gift on abdicating.

Take care of your mum, she is worth her weight in platinum.

It's your turn now my darling wife, my one and only Kate
I'm rich for all the moments I spent with my soul mate
To have you for the years I have, You made me all the richer
In all my wildest dreams I couldn't shape a better picture
You're sex on legs personified, I never tired of looking
You ran a perfect home, the cleaning and the cooking
You kept me straight in line, but never clipped my wings
You gave me all the freedom, and encouraged my playful things
We found our own way through things, like no others could
We balanced all the things in live, the hard stuff and the good
You made me feel so manly, you made me feel all needed
If you tried to make me feel good, then Ill tell you, you succeeded
To me you were the template, of how I wished I'd be
Smiley, happy, loving, innocent, carefree
You had enough for all of us, you gave it to us too
And it's great to know our children have these traits from you
I'm sorry that I cannot be there to give you a big squeeze
But our babies will do that for me, give mum a hug now please
You gave me many things girl, you always made me smile
The best day my life though was seeing you down that aisle
God you scrub up well, your face just lit the room
I smiled right back at you, a cocky gloating groom.

Cry my darling but smile inside, we have had the best times together, and you have made me the luckiest man alive. I miss you so much but am so lucky to have found you in the first place. I will always love you. Stay strong

Like I said right at the start, writing this feels absurd
I'm sorry to do this to all of you, but I had to have the last word

And finally

For those I played sport with
and those I went to school
And those of you I worked with
and those I met through our kids
To those who grew up with me those we met on holidays
Thank you for every moment we had together.
Smile for me.

Burn bright, stay true to yourself and others
Remember giving is better than receiving
Goodbye for today
Xxx

All behind glarse

My balls are black and my spots are red
Don't play with your feet, play with your head
Boxed in a room, a game for the posh?
That's not me but I do like squash.

Valentines

Roses are coloured
Violets are violet
Colourblind ryhmer
Your poetry is toilet

The contenders

From the nineties through the noughties man united rule
The scouser with the 18 banner turned out to be a fool
Sugar daddy walker funded just one win
Greedy Alan Shearer, keeps his medal in a tin

The genius that is Wenger got his team to play quite nifty
But couldn't quite complete the undefeated fifty
Chelsea bucked the system, when a tiny team in blue
Bought the league three times over with dirty money too

And now some other dirt bags who haven't paid there dues
with a history of failiure, and a tendency to lose
Have sold out to an Arab, Lose millions every game
Could celebrate a title, but should hang their heads in shame

The fans are plastic empty seats and the balance sheets in debit
They're indulgent in their spending, and will never take much credit
They sack their managers regularly, and terminate main road
Their players are distasteful, and their favour will erode

I've seen it all before when the Russian came to town
But nothing that's thrown at us, will keep United down
They'll always be contenders to threaten Red endeavour
Cash projects are short lived though, United's class will last forever

To Rob from Victoria - Poetry for Charity

Rob you are so gorgeous, sexy and my man
If There's something that you can't do, I doubt no other can
 
your modern and contemporary yet still remain a classic
Your humours from the future, your clothes from the Jurassic
 
You have a love for the outdoors, you love to climb and ski
Your body runs without fruit but not without coffee
 
Your a deep and cultured creature, enjoy reading and a movie
Your charming, suave, and handsome, your quite the little smoothy
 
You have a love for god and dogs, a nightmare for dyslexics
remember one is omnipresent, and the other chases sticks
 
When the worlds been tough on us, and kept us both apart
I've kept you in a special place, deep inside my heart
 
I couldn't live without you, my love, my mate my man
Remember how you light my life, like no other can

Travelling by train

Rattling along, all fields and sky
The silent life is passing by
Peoples life's hid behind their faces
Their lives on hold as they traverse the places
 
And some poor unfortunate soles
Find themselves in gloomy holes
As they're bound to travel every day
To fuel there lives with hard worked pay
 
And me I try and avoid such dangers
Trains and I are relative strangers
No time for me to hustle bustle
No platform shuffle or 'my seat, tussle
 
Work within the travel cost oddity
Where time for me is the real commodity
I like to keep the costs here low
Bank the minutes, watch the interest grow.

Anne's Retirement - Poems for charity

It comes with great pleasure
That I speak to you today
I'm here to draw attention
To Anne's retirement day
 
Im not one for public speaking
So I thought  I'd sing a song
But now that is Anne is 65
She might not last that long
 
So it's a poem that I've chosen
To read to celebrate
A lady who for forty years
I could proudly call my mate
 
For recent years, like you all
She's a colleague I hold dear
A conscientious worker
And someone we revere
 
Anne's pleasant and fun loving
Caring and quite kind
She is fully compus mentus
And completely of sound  mind
 
She never forgets a thing
And I say this with good faith
She never looses anything
Accept that bloody safe
 
This pocket sized jack Russell
Is ageing graciously
Is never seen out drinking
Nor  behaves disgracefully
 
She takes care of her body
Has no need for caffeine
Is in pristine mental health
stays away from nicotine
 
She never sulks at work
And is pleasant everyday
Always makes the toast
Has nothing bad to say
 
Okay I've stretched the truth a little
For a little bit of fun
But sincerely from us all at school
We'll miss you when you're gone.

Prem assured? Hijacked elation!

The league is never over
Until game thirty eight
Topping at week one
Does not make you great
Three points clear at Christmas
And you shouldn't celebrate
If you're still sat there at easter
That's good, but not checkmate

But don't book your open top bus
You'd be naive to assume
As twist and turns are coming
And disappointments loom
No medals are given at Christmas
So don't build a trophy room
Prepare for the worst and
May you house be filled with gloom

Watching England

Wife out, fire roaring
Beer well chilled, kids all snoring
Sat in duds, so please no door ring
Hoping Danny Welbeck's scoring

All things change over time

My passion for it's fading
The fire's going out
What was my pumping life blood
I now can do without

For years it had such value
For me it was my being
And now a fading memory
Days gone by I'm seeing

All things change in time
And that's just the same with passion
Sometimes the fire dies
Or the style goes out of fashion

It's still there in the sidelines
The history's in my fabric
To move on is not shameful
But forgetting would be tragic.

The tap may be turned off
But the pipes remain connected
If it's something that I want
All can be resurrected. 

Geek, Chic Unique

I want to be a programmer
and skip through fields (in recordsets)
I want to handle errors
and do until criteria is met

I want to declare variables
and chose interesting names of my own
I'll do all my coding so neatly
I'll never see' variable not known'

for n equals 1 to 5 next n
If then else end if
I'll loop through controls on a form
change properties of each and end with

What heights I will reach in my head
What depths I will see over time
It's one thing to get your rocks off in programming
It's another to publicise in rhyme